Stella Incognito

Dr Ann Magma reports on the mysterious Stella Black
© 2001 Black Lace

 
Stella Black - author of Shameless, Black Lace's fastest-selling title of 2000, has not been interviewed since l99l when her autobiography, Naked on My Goat, was published. The book was withdrawn immediately following a series of law-suits bought on the grounds of both libel and obscenity. A tiny print-run was bound in PVC and distributed illegally and has now gained mythological status amongst antiquarian book-dealers amongst whom it changes hands for 25,000. Esteemed as the definitive sexual grimoire, it is said to increase the orgasmic potential of any reader fortunate enough to find it.
 
Black claims to have had affairs with 5,000 men and is reputed to have developed the highest levels of Tantric consciousness to gain transcendental climactic experiences. "I learned everything I know from a monk in Tibet,' she has said. ' He taught me about meaningful penetration."
 
I did not manage to locate a copy of Naked on My Goat, but I have pieced together some aspects of Black's life from the reviews written at the time of publication.
 
She was born in Ascot, England, but grew up in an Airstream mobile home on the outskirts of the China Lake Naval Weapons Centre in Barstow, California. The interior was wallpapered with newspaper cuttings about Laurel and Hardy (her grandfather was a fan). The garden was made of Astroturf decorated with the fall-out from alien spacecraft. As a child she would watch her grandfather turn up his hearing-aid so that he could hear the couple in the caravan next door having sex. " Later he taught me how to use a cattle prod to defend myself," she has said. "And when he died he left me his l965 Ford Falcon. It was a beautiful car."
 
Her grandmother's arm had been blown off when she was changing the gas to the mobile home, and she wore a special claw into which a can of beer had been welded.
 
"This impeded Grandma's ability to cook," Stella told a magazine in l989. "But we didn't mind."
 
At Hinkley High School Black became expert in the art of knife-throwing and was named as the student "most likely to be murdered in a motel." She dropped out at the age of 16 and drove to New York where she became a hooker, which was fashionable at the time. In l984 she starred in the cult film Choose Death which one critic likened to "a brisk swim in an acid bath."
 
Soon after this she travelled to New Orleans where she married a gunsmith. "I don't know why I married him," she said at the time. "I never liked him that much. It was something to do, I suppose. It wasn't until after the ceremony that I discovered that he was a Jon Bon Jovi fan, and that was the end, really."
 
The gunsmith was eventually dumped on a freeway in Arizona . Stella asked him to get out and check the tyres and then drove off. He was replaced by a rich socialite named Leatrice, a French aristocrat who installed her in a house in Paris. Leatrice, consumed with love, showered Black with jewels, including the famous Duval diamonds - a legendary necklace said to curse the lives of all who wore it.
 
Life in Paris did not last long. The two women fought. Stella threw the Duval diamonds down the loo and then took up with the plumber who fished them out. This romance ended when Stella discovered that he couldn't drive. She punched his teeth out and then - in an uncharacteristic fit of contrition - gave him the money to replace them.
 
She returned to California in l989. Living in her grandfather's Ford Falcon, she survived by following film crews around and queuing up to eat free "location lunches." Deciding to go straight 'as an experiment', she embarked on a course in psycho-pharmacology. This was interrupted by a public fracas at a temple in Culver City .The details of this have never been fully revealed, and the police report is incomplete. Suffice it to say that a Buddhist was assaulted and Stella was sentenced to a term of imprisonment in a state penitentiary. It was here that she composed her manifesto, Sex Without Commitment. This pamphlet was smuggled out of the prison and widely disseminated to great popular acclaim. As money started to pour in, Black began to write the fiction that has subsequently made her famous.
 
"Naked on My Goat is a tissue of lies," says Milton Gladpool, one of the last journalists to have interviewed Black. "She claims to be the illegitimate daughter of Jane Russell and Captain Beefheart, which is logistically impossible for a start."
 
"Perhaps the reference was symbolic," I suggested.
 
"I don't know," he replied. "All I know is that she is a very strange woman."
 
An article written by Helga Braun in December l99l tells of a visit to Ms Black's mansion in the Hollywood Hills. The estate was protected by an electric gate, antique statuary stood on manicured lawns, and the drive-way was full of classic mid-Sixties Fords.
 
Braun describes how she found Black lying on a blow-up sofa in the middle of an Olympic-sized swimming pool. The authoress was wearing a leopardskin "play-suit", leopardskin stilettos, a black turban and a pair of catseye shades embossed with real diamonds. She was drinking a glass of sherry.
 
As Braun was wondering how she planned to extricate herself from the inflatable sofa without puncturing it with her stilettos, a Herculean servant appeared, lifted her up and carried her to the side of the pool where she made herself comfortable on a pink lounger.
 
"Errol is my valet/chauffeur," she told Braun . "He is a dissident and he has a big dick, and that is all one requires in a man."
 
In January l992 Stella Black dropped out of sight and protected herself with anonymity. Since then it has come to be popularly believed that she is not a person at all, but a hologram produced as a prototype by a company developing cyberdildonics in Silicon Valley. The books are written by a computer programmer named Kenton Bradley.
 
Her agent Arnold Bocklin denies this. "There is no such person as Kenton Bradley,' he says. "And Stella Black is not a 'fem-bot'. She does exist but I don't know where she lives. Her royalties go straight to an offshore account in the Cayman Island. Sometimes we speak on the telephone, but I have never met her and I don't know anything about her."
 
Stella Does Hollywood

STELLA DOES HOLLYWOOD by Stella Black is available through Amazon.Co.UK

Stella Black has a 1969 Pontiac Firebird, a leopard skin bra and a lot of attitude. Partying her way around Hollywood she is discovered by Leon Lubrisky, the billionaire mogul of Pleasure Dome Inc.He persuades her to work for him and she soon becomes one of the most famous porn stars in America.She is invited on to chat shows, she dates pop-stars, and she hangs out with the Beverly Hills A-List.But the dark forces of American fundamentalism are gathering.The moral right are outraged, and they are going to destroy Stella any way they can. Soon she will find herself in dangerous situations and no-one will be able to rescue her. "One day, all erotic will be as good as this," Skin Two magazine. Read an excerpt from Stella Does Hollywood.

 
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